Dear 2019

I love you, I hate you, I want to thank you, I want to scream at you and say a lot to you and that is why I am writing this letter to you. You made me realize many things in life, you taught me how to speak, you taught me how to accept the truth, you taught me how to move on, you taught me what is death, you taught me many things. I still remember going into this year with so much disappointment and feeling exhausted by everything. Graduation was in less than six months, many of my friends already know where they want to go already, but I was still stuck thinking about AP Physics 2 labs and yearbook deadlines. The disappointment continued in everything and I was so sure 2019 would be remembered as the worst year in my journey.

I still remember starting the last semester of my high school with zero expectations and all I wanted to do was to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Even yearbook deadlines didn’t excite me so much in my life, and I became one of those people who would talk less and just throw a blank face at everyone. I started questioning myself about every decision I took in my entire high school to be wrong. Maybe I was a bad student, or maybe I am not eligible for college, all these questions killed me, and I was worried about waking up everyday to not being ready for anything. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I wanted to remain calm and just live on with my life. I guess this was the phase where I started questioning about my dream, even the days when I had very bad grades before 2014 didn’t hurt this much. I see A grades yet, they didn’t satisfy me. I had to do something or maybe I had to change.

After some forty-odd years, Chicago will be seeing the worst weather and many people will be experiencing this for the first time. This didn’t surprise me so much because it was already the worst year and will be the worst for sure, why would I be disappointed or be scared about the weather, but the best bonus was no-wifi due to bad weather. Wow, thank you 2019. Yearbook deadlines, severe weather outside, no hopes on college admission and what not. As 2019, the disappointed version of me was just sitting on the couch, scrolling my newsfeed and enjoying my memes, then the best email of my life (maybe the only email that was worth it to date) was delivered to me from the University of Illinois at Chicago (UIC). “CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ADMISSION, WE ARE PLEASED TO OFFER YOU A SEAT.” One single email can change a lot for a person, I wanted to scream and ran to show the email to my parents with super pride. I still remember the first call I made after the email, to my bestest bro Niki, even her reaction was as similar as to my mom and dad, Thank you Niki. You trusted me more than anyone in the group during this downtime.

Later many college emails arrived to my account but nothing gave the high that this email did. Finally! One good thing changed my opinion completely about 2019. This was my dream school 2019, I wanted to study there and get my degree from UIC. The worst weather started getting better, I started re-inventing myself, I started to believe in myself again and I started to love myself again. Maybe the second best thing of the year happened in March, submitting the last set of pages in the yearbook. I always wanted to say this but never got a chance. “Thank you to MY STAFF, you guys did a great job. Thank you to everyone associated with the yearbook.” It was my dream to publish a yearbook with my name in the senior editor section, and it finally happened. The most surprising fact was that no one knew that I cried after submitting the book. These were more happy tears, but tears that really meant something to me.

March and April really went by fast with all the memories from friends and parents. I made many memories, I stayed up till 1:30 am at my high school for an event, I planned for some of those events, and finished so many final assignments before enjoying the fun part, the auditions for speeches. It went by fast and to be more honest, it went with so much happiness that came with accepting the offer from UIC. It wasn’t long before the rehearsals for the final speeches started. I forgot to mention something very important, the Multicultural show, from seeing the show in my freshman year to emceeing in my senior year, an unforgettable experience, Thank you Kuldeep for co-emceeing with me and for making it memorable. Back again, for the last 20 days at Naperville north, everything was under my control. I was so happy, yet I was missing something, but I didn’t know what it was..

Days flew by super fastly, the Yearbook award was a great edition for May, but something else was waiting for me, I knew it. Awards Assembly, this was the day that I have been waiting for my entire high school life. One award this day can make my name stay on the walls of Naperville North forever! I was really worried and not sure whether I will get the award or will I just be the nominee. Personally, I was prepared for anything, but the best surprise was seeing my parents at the awards function. Soon before I knew it, the best moment arrived, 7 more awards left to go and my name was announced. Cheers all over, I was shivering, I was not sure, I walked up and I picked the award. Everything seems like a blur now, I don’t remember anything, all I remember was walking up to my Mom and Dad and placing my award in my mom’s hand.

Even though the best part of my life happened already, I was not satisfied. But the speech, the cheers from the students, teachers, and the pride in my Parents face is what made my happiness a complete circle. Less than 72 hours for graduation, maybe this is the part I was not ready. I don’t know why, but me and graduation had a very strong attachment. When Sara, John, Catie, Zach, Bezil, Rushi, and Gretchen were leaving; I was sad, but I knew there will be a chance to meet them again but after graduating, will I ever get a chance to see them?

I think I hated 2019 from 2015 itself, I never wanted to graduate maybe that is why I hate 2019 so much. However, I am loving this year more than any year. It is May 20th, 2019. I walked into Naperville North as a student for one last time in the morning. At 6:30am, I walked by myself the entire school, everything seemed like a flash and something I can never get back. Every word from our principal inspired me to move on and that two minute talk with her will always be cherished in my heart. Maybe it was not that conversation, maybe it was the trust all my teachers gave me, Mrs. Sternecky, Miss. Girgis, Mrs. Mazzaferro, Mr. Williams, Mr. Nugent and Mrs. Willams, these people were my backbone, these people made me achieve what I am today. Graduation, it has arrived. The 120 second speech in front of 5600 people gave me a lot of confidence, that is the day, I found out that I can do more than what I achieve. Everything went by super super fast, the speech, the event, the pain, the high school me. I never got a chance to say this too, Kuldeep, Ryan, Pierre, Rahi, Hasheem, John, and (Jacob)². I know I will miss you but more than that, thank you for making my high school life so much better.

Time flew from May to June, meeting new people and making new friends at UIC, orientation, movies, Python, MySQL, everything went really smooth until July, back to back setbacks, got super disturbed, yet still trusted 2019 with the guts Moved forward focused on the dream, made plans for first semester. July went by really really slow but August had the surprises waiting for me. Well the best one is meeting new people; Bhavana, Shreya, Dinesh, Vamsi, Madhav and Teju, I didn’t know that four months can make a lot of difference. Thank you for listening to my boring stories, great start up theories (hopefully) and my sad Econ stories. I think the word first semester is more like my love with CS 111. I really enjoyed taking Python and working with real life data sets, well every CS class made me happier, to be honest, it became my bestest friend. All the great writing projects made me happier.

OK OK, I am coming to this part, I didn’t like Derivatives and Integrals but you know what, I am from the Math and Computer Science department, I love Math. I don’t want to write a lot about college, I feel like I can tell you what I enjoyed and what I have to improve on, but I cannot describe my experience. College, it was not easy to start, all the 3000 people at my high school knew me, it was a hard transition, but I made it through it. I trusted my decisions, I trusted my guts, I trusted myself. I never wanted to disappoint myself and I never did. Ignite Leadership or UIC Blogs/Radio, or ACM, everything made me learn, explained to me what I am. What I am capable of. Is there anything I compromised in my journey, yes I did. I compromised my sleep in order to finish my CS labs, I might have spent more time writing my blogs rather than talking to my favorite people but at the end, everything worked out.

There are five women behind my blogs, surprisingly not many people know it. Akshaya, I love you sister, you gave me the confidence to write fiction or blogs or anything. I missed not talking to you in the lunch, I miss our conversation about writing styles, I miss our conversation about AP/Honors classes, but I want to thank you for being a great editor to the first bunch of blogs. Bhavana and Shreya akka, I know I showed you my worst writings, yet you gave me ideas for turning them into masterpieces (at least for me). If you both weren’t there, my college blogs wouldn’t have made sense. Also Bhavana, Thank you for making my commute way better, I love all the stories you told me, I liked all the heart terms you explained (Nah, just kidding). Thank you for forcing me to watch Designated Survivor, I am loving it. Niki, I met Shreya because of you, you were my first audience to read and you were part of every journey bro. Thank you Niki. Mom, I think if I write my blogs with so much care, it is because of you. If you love the blog, then I know it will be good. I get really excited every time you read my piece. I think this journey of blogging was done just because of you.

Not only women, there was a lot of male support too. So please no feminism talks (Just Kidding). Well, If I talk about blogging, I should start with my dad. You trusted my writing, you believed in me through every step I made, you made this possible dad, I love you so much. If you didn’t trust me in the beginning, there would have been no Krish Bavana Blogs or writing for college blog. Naveen Mama, I think this man knows every single detail about me, if not me, if anyone else wants to hear my story, this person knows it, I know you stay super super far away from me, but you made it possible, I still remember the first word you said, when I sent you my first draft of my first blog. Thank you Mama. All my overseas friends, Jeevan, Manoj, Rohit, Janu; Thank you for explaining to me the stats fam, we are growing bigger. Simas, Ryan, Brad, Thank you for reading my first copies.

I have to mention an incident from one of my friends, Heli. I didn’t know if people would actually follow my blogs but you were the first person that gave me confidence, with one word. Well, it is surprising and I am glad you like me as a writer. I am sorry, if I forgot anything or anyone but I tried my best in recalling and writing every single that impacted me. If I miss anything the most, then those phone calls from Abhinav, Isaac, Mukesh, and Rhea.

Everything needs an ending, good or bad. I believe everything needs a journey before concluding. I had a best, a best, a worst year, a memorable year. I might have fallen but I know I will rise. I love you 2019. You will be cherished in my heart. Computer Science, Writing, Entrepreneurship, Speaking. These four made my 2019 really wonderful, but if I have to dedicate my year to someone, it is undoubtedly my mom and my dad. They both made it possible, they trusted me in everything, without you I am nothing. I love you both.

Yours Truly,
Krish Bavana.